all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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