Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize