did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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