why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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