no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
