No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
