Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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