I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
