so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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