the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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