so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
