I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
