i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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