you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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