hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
