idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
