May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
