We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
