I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
