I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
