Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
