Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize