you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
