Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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