They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well I just put wine in my tea
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
