I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
