I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
