she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
