Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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