What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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