i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it's like iHOP with fire
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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