so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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