and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
