Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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