those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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