Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize