On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just pynch a tree in the face
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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