It's Friday. Sex?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
