we made out on top of his cat.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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