at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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