looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
