chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
