nut hugger
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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