I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
zippers are such a cool invention
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
