Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
