Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
