Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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