Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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