Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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