whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
