A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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