dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
