Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
