I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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