1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
