I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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