I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
