I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
