Soap is not a condiment
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
is it fun? or sober?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
