dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize