I wannas sexs uuuuu
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This toilet bowl is my home.
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