how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
