big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
