If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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