Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
