True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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