I can't watch pbs sober anymore
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
