mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
