i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have post one night stand depression
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
