Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
