Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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