Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
