So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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