Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My feet surprised me
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