i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All the doctor said was why
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
